how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we're making bets on your personal life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
