i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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