That's intense
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
