I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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