I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
