You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
