I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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