A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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