Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
