the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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