take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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