I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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