I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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