my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
