and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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