I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
