i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
