I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
