Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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