I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
