he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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