Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
