mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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