My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
