After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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