she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
