I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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