those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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