is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
