I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
