I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't notice because vodka
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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