In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
