I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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