I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
