New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
