I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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