If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
