SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
