he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
