I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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