I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
