She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
