yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
