just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
