Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
