I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
