It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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