I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
