Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
