so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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